I’ve been meaning to do this post for quite some time now, but as we all know, life gets in the way. I want to take a minute and tell y’all of the work that God has been doing in my life lately. It’s pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
For those of you who don’t know me at all or haven’t known me for long, you probably didn’t know that I had a really rough year last year. I dealt with a lot of things that I never thought I would face, and became an extremely hard person on the inside. For the most part, I shut everyone out of my life and had enough anger to fuel an army. I absolutely hated my university, my friends, my roommates, my major, and most of all, the Lord. He had placed me in a season of my life that felt like pure suffering, and I was bound and determined to be angry at anyone and everything until my situation changed. I don’t quite know when it happened, but there’s a very distinct day in my mind that I can remember thinking about how much I hated God for putting me in my current situation and screaming out, asking God where He was. All of my friends from high school had made awesome friends, they loved their college, and seemed to be living the perfect life. I kept wondering and asking God what I had done to deserve the suffering that I was going through. I had done so much to serve Him, and I felt like He was nowhere to be found. I shed more tears that year and spent more money on therapy than a sane person would. It wasn’t until almost the end of November 2012 that I was able to begin seeing the changes that the Lord had made during that year and come to terms with the hard times that I’d endured. I heard a song at church that I was familiar with from the local Christian radio station, but the night that we sang it has changed my point of view of that year. The song is called “Not For A Moment” by Meredith Andrews, and I can rarely listen to it without weeping and praising God for His grace and for never leaving my side during that awful year.
Through God’s grace, I’ve been able to reconnect with my old roommates and begin a friendship that looks completely different. Both of them now love Jesus more than anything and have been transformed into new people. I’ve been reminded that the suffering that I endured last year was all part of His greater plan and that He never left my side. I’m somehow still a Young Life leader, despite the numerous amounts of times that I’ve attempted to talk myself into quitting. Not only am I still doing it, but I really and truly love it and hope to make a career out of it! God is slowly working on my heart to allow people in, but that’ll probably take many more hours of therapy if I’m being honest. Vulnerability has never been my strong suit, but God is slowly peeling away the hurt and hardness and transforming me into a new person. As scared as I am, I’m extremely excited to see the Lord transform me and prepare me for all that He has in store. While this life might not be easy, at the end of the day, I crave to hear the Lord say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” Feel free to join me on my quest to serve Jesus more and love others better!
Here’s the song I was referring to in case you’re not familiar.
